The term ’emotion regulation’ seems to be present everywhere in the mental health world. The image that comes up for me is something like a barometer, or radar, an instrument that shows how much is too much, how much is too little, and how much to respond or react to the waves of torment or joy that come our way. I think of our body/mind as that instrument, regulating the inside in response to the outside, processing input, modulating the response to the outside. For little children, parents/caregivers are the original regulators as children learn from caregivers. When caregivers are attuned and can read their child’s cues and offer support and scaffolding, children learn to regulate their emotions and be responsive. However, to do this, the adults need to manage their own regulation in order to stay responsive. Self care is, therefore, other care.
Here’s a little factoid: Advances in neuroscience have offered us a brain-sense way of understanding emotional experience. The old reptilian brain, the emotional center of our experience, lives on. When emotions are calmed, then we can make the best decisions with calm.